Surrender is hard

Life likes to whack us with random things (like today’s snowstorm. Ok, ok, maybe not so random since it is still winter). Sometimes these things can be predictable (like the weather, sort of), but most times, they are not. Life, amirite?

I have unexpectedly been unable to teach this week due to a pretty big TIME OUT signal from my body.

In between the stress of rescheduling clients, looking for subs, waiting for doctors and all that other fun stuff, my inner (yoga-influenced) voice kept repeating, “Just surrender to what’s happening. Remember, everything is temporary and this, too, shall pass. Life always works itself out.”

However, the very human part of me kept retorting, “Surrender to this (bleeping) pain?! Um, no, thanks.”

My words didn’t resonate with my own self.

Have you ever felt like you were in combat with your own brain? (Full disclosure, that’s been me all week.)

I do certainly believe that things have a way of working out… When we are present with ourselves, listen to the signals our bodies give us, kindly acknowledge what’s happening and choose the next right step for ourselves.

But, why was I fighting myself with my own pep talk? I was doing my best with all the above, was I not??

💡 Lightbulb moment! The word ‘surrender’ suggests a lack of control of ourselves. While we humans never really have the control we think we do, we operate consciously under the pretense that we do.

So my sub-conscious and consciousness were embattled over semantics?! On top of this pain?! Yikes 🤷🏻‍♀️

You probably have heard this before, but, how we speak to ourselves matters. This is so worth repeating…

How we speak to ourselves matters.

By giving myself a new way to say the same self encouragement, my brain was able to connect with it and the internal fight subsided, even if the pain did not.

My mind's tension relaxed. My breath felt deeper and more free. I could more easily stay present and listen to my body. Most importantly, it no longer felt like I was trying to ask of myself something ridiculous and unattainable.

“Allow it to be.”

Instead of telling myself to surrender again, I thought about what kind of tone I wanted to convey. Surrender felt like an order that I wasn’t going to achieve. My pain wasn’t letting me relax any tension so how the heck am I supposed to surrender right now?

"Allow it to be” suggests that we have agency in choosing the act of letting go. It does not imply that someone forced us to do it (and ‘surrender’ does not necessarily either, but I think you know what I mean by this). Allowing infers control over our lives through choice making.

This is very important for anyone who has experienced trauma (which is all of us, in some way big or small. My hand is definitely up on that one 🙋🏻‍♀️). So, please choose to be compassionate with yourself and give your self-talk a makeover if it has not sounded like your best friend.

No judgment on the use of ‘surrender’ and you will certainly hear it again, especially in the wellness world. But, I have let this word go from my vocabulary. I invite you to join me in adopting the mantra, “Allow it to be” when you find you are in conflict with yourself over something you didn’t wish for. May we soften into this compassionate way of communication with ourselves whenever we feel tension arise. Speaking to ourselves with this kindness likely won’t take the issue away, but it gives us an opportunity to have a new (hopefully, less conflicted) relationship with whatever it is. Peace leads to clarity.

Language is nuanced. Just like life. Just like the discoveries we uncover on the mat. Just like our brain’s way of processing things. In fact, we practice yoga to hone in on our personal nuance and understand how the little things add up to the bigger things in our lives.

This is the practice. Of staying present, again and again. To discover the nuance. To repeatedly listen and learn about ourselves. So we can choose how to best support us, with our words, actions and beyond. To stay curious about what’s shifting. And to allow ourselves the ability to change what we no longer see fit for us. Change, after all, is constant.

I am not always successful with my daily practice. My human tendencies don’t always line up with my intentions. This is why we have life tools such as yoga and meditation. This is why we continue to practice.

As I shared with my clients and students in our January monthly theme, feeling the totality of our bodies (body, mind, spirit, heart, energy) is how we begin our whole-self integration process. It is not easy to stay present with all that comes up. But, compassion for yourself is key to unlocking this daily journey.